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February 1st, 2019

#karma

I've really wanted to write something, anything, for a week now to take my last post down from the top of the page. Maybe then people will overlook it and it will go unnoticed. Unfortunately I didn't get around to it before somebody left an anonymous comment about it that simply read "karma."

Comments on the site don't go live until I approve them. It's a pain but more importantly it's quality control. It keeps away bots and the occasional troll, the latter of which I've had very few of over the years. I've blocked like a dozen comments over our history because it was just people being mean and since I'm the big swinging dick around here and I don't want nor need that, I reserve the right to not post people being dicks.

The other feature of the comments is that it sorta works on the honor system. It simply asks for who you are and we all assume truthfulness. Blocked comments are generally people being cutesy with their name, which when it's a clever joke I've allowed in the past, but usually it's people being feckless assholes. But here's the thing about the internet people - anonymity doesn't really exist.

You'd think we'd all know that by now. You'd think on a site as tiny as mine people would know it's extra hard to hide. And were I to reveal who wrote this, your eyes would roll out of your head at the idea that this person wouldn't immediately understand that I know exactly who wrote it. But they posted it anyway.

Maybe I inferred a malice that wasn't there. I don't know what interpretation to make other than someone who thinks they're anonymous implying "Hey you're unhappy? You reap what you sow. Good." but I've been wrong before. My initial reaction, before I took the five minutes it takes to see who it was, was to just post my own comment about what a shitty thing to say to someone, fuck off and go away, but even before knowing the identity I decided not to.

Partly because why give them the time of day about this? Partly because why do I care? Partly because they are objectively wrong, partly because they're a little right. They can think whatever they want about me. They can think they "won" because it generated a response. They can go back to their little life of smug superiority. I've got bigger things to figure out as you can see from the post. But don't think you can come here of all places and get in your little dig anonymously. You are allowed to think my pathetic whining is a comeuppance, but you can't be chickenshit about it. You really should know how karma works. Sheesh.

Posted 2:45pm
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January 24th, 2019

Just fucking breathe...

I wrote a screed post-holidays about how much I fucking hate them. It was really bitter and angry and born of frustration and sadness. Luckily I was sober enough when I finished writing it that I had the sense not to post it.

I've done the same thing several times about the renovation on our house. Bitter, angry, frustrated, sad. It sucks to go home every day expecting to find something that's going to piss you off. But I shelved those too.

I'm angry and frustrated every day with the government and all of its stupid fucking racist, misogynist enablers. Bitterness and sadness are pervasive in my life because my son hasn't communicated with me for two years.

I swallow all of it that I can and then some more. Most of the time I can remember how lucky I am, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

At this point I just want it to be over. I don't care about vindication or justice. I'd let the entire Trump family fuck off to Saudi Arabia to never have hear from them again. I couldn't give a fuck what state they leave our house in if they'd just leave. If Siddhartha walked into my house acting like nothing ever happened, I'd probably just play along, happy for the silence to be over.

The truth is I have to live with all of this, most likely forever. I'll never enjoy the holidays again. When Trump is gone we'll still be left living amongst millions of emboldened racist hypocrites. Years from now if I manage to fix the bullshit at my house, I'll still remember the pain. And at this point, while I don't expect to have a relationship with my son again, if I ever do it'll be a hollow, untrusting one.

I know it's all whoa-is-me. Part of me feels stupid for writing it, but the rest feels like I have to say it. Out loud, to someone. That's all it is. I just want to write it down. Maybe someday I can come back and feel like an idiot for wallowing in self-pity (There's plenty of that in the archives). For now, just get it out and remember to breathe.

Posted 4:39pm
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January 17th, 2019

Kitten Kong is gonna get ya

I wouldn't go so far as to call myself an Anglophile, but I do love the Brits. Like most people my age I grew up on Monty Python and Benny Hill reruns on PBS, and I've been a fan of British comedy ever since. In the wonderful age of the internet, you can get up to speed on classics like Fawlty Towers as well as stay abreast of the best panel shows, from 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown to Alan Carr Chatty Man. I've gone down the rabbit hole on all of them.

If there's anything else the internet can teach us, is that there's a plethora of ancient content that you never even knew existed. Some of it, is glorious. Years ago I found the genius British comedy Spaced which to this day may be one of my favorite shows of all time. One of it's creators went on to be one of my favorite filmakers, Edgar Wright, so naturally enough I take his cultural recomendations seriously. When he started posting gifs on twitter of a show called The Goodies, well I was taken aback that something I had never heard of looked so glorious.

And while I will be upfront and admit that so far I've only seen one episode so far, I'm still shocked that I had never so much as heard of it before, because more up my alley it could not be. So staying true to our mission statement here at tbaggervance.com, I offer for your approval the "Kitten Kong" episode of The Goodies. You're welcome.

Posted 10:04am
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December 7th, 2018

Happy Birthday!

tbaggervance.com turned 14 yesterday! Mazel Tov! Being a precocious teenager means it doesn't have time to post anymore - it's too busy hanging out with its friends and being upset about the world. I get it, I don't understand how everyone doesn't go Jonestown what with one political party completely and openly subverting democracy and the largest university in Ohio being rewarded for having a completely amoral piece of shit as it's football coach and not caring because he wins. Apples and trees I guess.

It's not like we're sitting on our collective ass doing nothing. Look! I built an Oscar the Grouch for fortress party!

Oscar

And as you may have heard, our domicile is being renovated. I'm sure I've said this before, but if you're considering a renovation, just move instead. Unless you have "fuck you" money and can way overpay a contractor AND move out for six months, it's not worth it. In my line of work, the worst people to deal with our people who think they know computers. These pains in the asses are the worst. Well I know how to do wiring. And insulating. And drywall. And I know how to communicate with people and keep promises. Contractors don't. The last two anyway. Especially ours. And when you've been living amongst boxes for five months watching nothing get done, all you can do is keep your fucking mouth shut to keep the fucking peace.

So happy birthday! We'll coax the blog out of its room once a month to bitch about the overall decline of society. Maybe at some point the good guys will win and we'll celebrate. Otherwise we'll be alone in the dark drinking and singing a dirge about how all of this is pointless and all good deeds get punished. Now blow out the candles and open another bottle.

Posted 10:21am
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