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May 13th , 2016

5 innocuous things that are making me happy in and around the present moment

- Obviously I am a huge fan of Bruce Willis' 1987 album The Return of Bruno. Whom among us isn't wistful for the old days where MTV had to give air time to stupid, objectively horrible celebrity vanity projects? Sure we still have the Bacon Brothers and Thirty Odd Foot of Grunt and whatever Billy Bob Thornton is up to, but do they get an hour long HBO special that glorifies their hubris? No. Only Bruce Willis gets that. You're welcome.

- Listen, we all want Elizabeth Warren to be Hillary's running mate. None more so than me, who has a long list of reservations about our future first female president (hint: she ain't that liberal). However, let me float this by you: Vice President Franken.

- Being privileged white people, Hamilton looms large in our house. Yesterday, I was telling the littlest how Lin-Manuel Miranda not only stars in the musical, but he wrote the score and the book and she immediately started to scream "THERE'S A BOOK?!?!" She settled down after I explained what book means in musical theater terms, but it was literally adorable beyond words. Anyway, here's Lin-Manuel and J.J. Abrams singing the cantina theme from the latest Star Wars. Call me guys, you'd love hanging out with me.

- There are only two movies on this list of the 80 best directed movies of all time that I've yet to see. Some day I'll carve out six hours, get me some of them eye holder openers from A Clockwork Orange and watch Gone with the Wind and Dr. Zhivago all in one painful swoop, and then I can finally rest.

- Finally, I'm just going to leave this here. Have a good weekend.


Posted 3:27pm
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May 5th , 2016

This fucking guy

Yesterday I reiterated the fact that I have no use for anyone who votes for Donald Trump in November. I'm going to be a broken record about this, if for no other reason than to reiterate exactly how serious I am.

The other point I am going to ham-fistedly beat to death around here is this: everything you read in the next six months has a vested interest in a "close race." The media needs Donald Trump and they need him to be competitive. Progressives like myself will bloviate about it because we can't afford apathy - even in the face of the most unelectable Oompa Loompa ever to stick his tiny hand into the race.

Hillary just released two ads about the Donald. They're exclusively built on what Trump has said and what his party has said about him. It's a prescient reminder as to how much of an empty suit we are dealing with. Even if Clinton botches campaign moments like in '08, or millennials stay home because she represents the old corporate paradigm, Trump is still gonna get beaten like a red-headed step child, all while every news source available to you is going to make it seem otherwise for as long as they can. I mean, that's how it'll play out or I'm fucking done with this country.

Posted 1:16pm
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May 4th , 2016

Never bet on the man with the most punchable face

So Ted Cruz finished second in a war of attrition. Thankfully that's as close as he'll ever get to being President, because for all the blustering about how awful Trump is, Ted Cruz was worse. Like, a lot worse.

So hooray! We avoided a theocracy! Again. It won't be the last time we have to go through this. It'll get worse before it gets better. But right now we have to turn our focus towards the other xenophobic, loud mouth, bigoted demagouge that people will actually have a chance to vote for in November. I'll be really interested to find out which Republicans I know still intend to vote for their party now that Trump is their nominee. Quitting facebook won't be enough to cut those hateful, gullible morons from my life.

- And while we are at it, climate change deniers can go fuck themselves too.

- Oh, and in happier news, may the fourth be with you.

Posted 10:57am
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April 28th , 2016

Assessing the fuck off

I'm of course still contemplating my decision to ditch the facebook. Yes, my major problem turned out to be that people in real life couldn't keep their mouths shut about the derp that is inherent online. Yes, I've only ultimately made it harder to see the derp, not eliminated my ability to see it at all if I am ultimately compelled. Most importantly perhaps, yes, I should stay and push back and call these xenophobic dickheads on their shit, because silence is consent.

Given all that, I still feel good about my decision. Moving across town to get away from toxic waste isn't as good as leaving the state, but it's still an improvement. And while telling people who want to boycott Target that they are small minded hateful bigots feels good, I'm still stuck ruminating for days on how upset ignorance makes me and lamenting the fact that I hate the place where I grew up with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.

The GOP revels in the concept of "Real America". It longs for something that frankly, never existed. Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel, and if this rhetoric doesn't upset you, well it'd take quite an argument to convince me you are not a real moron. Real or "normal" America doesn't mean what they think it does. I know that facts mean nothing to them, or are at least overridden by their guts, so for now, I'm going to bury the shit instead of continuing to dip a toe to see if the shit is still shit.

Posted 1:41pm
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April 26th , 2016

Na na, nana na na, hey hey hey, goodbye

Social media is generally really good at letting you be passive aggressive. Most platforms let you give an Irish goodbye to your friends via a block or an unfollow - and they don't even have to know it. You just don't have to be inundated with their bullshit in your feed or timeline anymore.

This has worked very well for me over the years. Out of the few hundred "friends" I had on facebook, there were really only a dozen or so that I actually followed. The rest could post all the inanities they liked and I was none the wiser. Except for the fact that approximately twice a year I'd get a "Did you see what so and so posted on facebook?" and then I'd be compelled to look and have my day ruined.

Turns out my brother-in-law is a real Grade A conservative asshole. A while back he lost his shit when gay marriage was legalized, and now he's having a conniption about all of the hateful, disgusting, transphobic bathroom laws being passed around the country. Apparently blocking him from my timeline hasn't far enough removed me from his toxicity, so I decided to just quit facebook.

It's a completely redundant platform anyway. Almost everything I see on it is duplicated on instagram or twitter. Since I think wishing someone happy birthday on there is bullshit anyway, I fail to see what I'm going to miss out on by abandoning ship. I mean, the ugly, hateful rhetoric that makes me want to punch someone I used to like, but I'm guessing I can live without that.

Posted 8:53am
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April 21st , 2016

Tales from the Buckeye State

One of the things you have to tell children these days is that everything on the internet lives forever. Not just that if you write a blog for ten years that you'll eventually be embarrassed by the quality of your writing from your youth, but that every picture, comment, review or tweet is going to exist long after your dead for anyone to find. Good times, and bad.

Adults need to remember the infinite nature of the internet's memory too. And when you helm a popular internet destination like, there's always a chance that something you post goes viral. Or at least gets co-opted by another website that even more people are likely to see. Take the website for the Put-in-Bay Jet Express, who has apparently co-opted a picture from our little abode to promote the debauchery that is Put-in-Bay.

Don't worry, the legal team is working on arranging appropriate compensation for the fact that a commercial entity is using our art to sell their services. Also, don't worry that I might at some point take down any embarrassing thing I've written or posted here. Everything on the internet lives forever. Remember that.

- I feel like I've been too nice to Ohio in this post. So to right the ship, let's all point and laugh at how many Limp Bizkit fans there still are in that godforsaken state. I hope they really can "make Dayton a kind of cool spot that we could all come to and rock out." Unfortunately, I've been there. I wouldn't hold my breath.

Posted 9:30am
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April 12th , 2016

Watch out!

- Here's the 100 greatest action one-liners in film history. Recommended for when you are all out of bubblegum.

- Nick Offerman's shower thoughts. Like a 21st century Jack Handy.

- The plethora of things that even non-Nerds know about Star Wars despite the fact that they aren't mentioned in the movie may astound you.

- Dan Harmon's brilliant web series Great Minds visits with Billy Shakespeare.

- The Thermals rally for Bernie, play the Blind Pig next Thursday.

- Not sure why this is posted now, but here's a video of the differences in Scott Pilgrim, book to movie (GO!)

- Anyone with any taste will tell you that Mel Blanc was one of the great actors of the 20th century - even if you rarely saw his face. So relish this opportunity to see him crack up Jack Benny (about 12 minutes in).

Posted 2:17pm
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This page is written and maintained by Tyler Brubaker. All content is spewed forth from the author's brain, unless otherwise credited. He views his opinion as much more valid than yours, but welcomes all thoughts and comments.